People come to me looking to make a change. They want a new career or more pay. They want to exit their company and create a mission focused business. They want to have more energy, more time, more love, more connection, more community. They want to get out of the situation they are in and find something different, bigger or better.
Ultimately I’m in the business of helping people create more of what they think they want and less of what they think they don’t want.
The key word in that statement is THINK. We are often operating from a perception that we know what we want. Even more often we are operating from a perception that we what we have now is just not what will make us happy.
Are you sure you want something different, bigger or better?
I would challenge that notion and often with my clients I do.
I had the extraordinary luxury and privilege of recently attending TEDx Mid-Atlantic and heard Chuck Marohn speak about Strong Towns. He made a compelling case against our idealization of bigger, better and new when it comes to economic and civic development. He was able to show clearly that when a town or city revitalizes what they already have, and makes better use of space that is more central to the town, that is when economic revitalization happens. He also shows clearly that when a town or city thinks that developing via expanding out further away from city centers or by creating new and better malls, parks or planned communities that it often has the opposite of the intended effect.
He urges us to become obsessive about taking care of what we already have and of making better use of what we have. I would almost always urge the same to individuals, families
Why do we obsess over bigger, better, newer or different?
Because that is a lot easier than taking ownership over how we have
“It’s my shitty boss. He just doesn’t get it.”
“I know I’d be happier with a different romantic partner.”
“It’s this damn industry. Ever since
“I think it’s time to move. I just can’t stand this city anymore.”
If you aren’t happy with what you have, ask yourself an important question.
Are you doing what you can to maximize it, appreciate it, maintain it, improve it and nurture it?
Let’s say you are fed up with your relationship. How can you be sure it’s really the relationship that needs to change? Have you done everything in your power to manage your mind, body, spirit, energy, mood, outlook and relationship skills? Are you clear on your wants and needs and asking for them? When was the last time you consciously created
Maybe you are tired of your career. You know now that life is about love, connection, contribution
When you identify a gap between where you are and where you want to be, it’s easy to dream big and think a giant change will make you happy. But happiness, success, fulfillment, purpose, authenticity, relaxation, love…these are inside jobs.
Start with yourself. Start small. Make consistent small changes with who you are and how you are being. Take care of your body and mind. Tend to your relationships.
If you feel a struggle, ask yourself this question.
What is the next smallest thing I can do right now to address this struggle from the inside out?
Our world has taught you to search outside what you already have for happiness and success. It’s taught you the ideals of bigger, better, different and more. We all need help shifting that paradigm, looking at ourselves and making a commitment to maintaining and improving what we already have.
Even when we find out that what we have is not what we truly want, we become more powerful when we build the skills to create the most out of what comes next.
It’s Your Turn