You have achieved plenty in your life already. And it’s probable that you have been accomplishing what you have accomplished with only a part of your full capacity.
You chase down the latest information on how to develop your leadership, business acumen and appearance of confidence and control. Yet you are leaving a lot on the table.
The loss of your relationship can be a catalyst for you to gain access to your superpowers in life.
This is part 4 in a series about How to Become a Badass After a Divorce or Break Up.
Step 3 is to Focus on Your Body
As men, we are taught to devalue our bodies. If they aren’t incredible machines of athletic performance or we aren’t “Magic Mike” sexy, we are told that our bodies don’t matter. We are taught that to be valuable, productive and attractive we must focus on our brains, our capacity to create income or our ability to do ALL THE THINGS that look like success!
When we don’t care for our bodies, and constantly avoid deepening our relationship to them, we are losing a lot of personal power. It’s possible that your disconnection from your body contributed to your relationship ending. I’ll go a little further, it’s probable.
When we are disconnected from our bodies, we lose our intuition, our emotional intelligence, our capacity to stay calm in difficult conversations and our overall health and well being.
When we focus on the body, we become healthier, happier, sexier, more confident, more in tune with those around us and more capable of speaking up for yourself in a caring but bold way.
Not to mention that you might look better, feel better, enjoy more pleasure, be a much better lover and live a shit ton longer.
Now I’m not just talking about going back to the gym and losing a few pounds. Though I wouldn’t stop you from doing that during a breakup. It’s always a good look.
What I’m talking about goes so much deeper than that. And takes a bit of clarification.
Many men are not focusing on their bodies. In the clear examples, we are out of shape, overweight, collecting health challenges, medications and doctors bills. In less clear examples we are often “physically fit” but using our bodies as tools for performance and production.
The latter is you if you are doing CrossFit or running 10 milers but hear from people in your life that you are not in touch with your emotions or not compassionate enough. Heck, if you often hear “you don’t listen” this can be a symptom of being out of touch with your body…even if you are fit.
There are dozens and dozens and dozens of ways to focus on your body during a divorce or break up and I’ll list a few just to give you ideas. The options are endless and my clients get a customized plan for focusing on or “returning” to the body.
1. Start a movement practice that is outside of your comfort zone. If you lift weights and run, try yoga and dance. If you do yoga, try HIIT. If you are a salsa champion, try hiking or cross fit. The point is to give your body some new challenges. To literally work new muscles and watch how it impacts your mood, health, shape, and thinking.
2. Take on a new habit for food and diet. Start cooking if you don’t cook. Shop at farmer’s markets if you usually get delivery. Try a “reset” like a Whole 30 or elimination challenge. Quit caffeine and experiment with nootropics. The one thing I think every single man should be doing to gain an appreciation for food, enjoy more pleasure and to become a better lover is to learn and practice mindful eating.
3. Cultivate intuition. There are many ways to do this. Go out for the day with no plan and just trust your gut. Go to a crowded area, observe people and feel how your body responds as you are near others. When it’s time to make a simple decision, close your eyes and scan the body rather than just using logic. Go to an intense action or dramatic movie and just focus on your bodily sensations.
4. Get your ass checked out! Go set up all of those doctors appointments you have been avoiding. Get your testosterone checked. Get an STI test. Buy a few sessions with a personal trainer or yoga teacher to check body alignment or mobility. Get a body fat percentage test.
5. Upgrade your wardrobe. You deserve a fresh look and some quality threads. A minor change to a wardrobe can have a major change in your mood and mindset.
Now you might be asking why this is important. Well, it’s simple. This is a time to reinvent. Most men are not focused on all the pleasure, wisdom, power, intuition and purpose that our bodies can help us experience.
Going forward you want a much more meaningful experience of life. You only have one body to experience this life through and it affects your mind, emotions, relationships, and careers more than most of us will admit.
Putting attention back on the body can help you boost confidence, emotional intelligence, resilience, sensuality, and general health. All of these capacities will help you through the hard times of the separation or divorce and they will really help you a lot when you are getting back into dating again.
Whether you date men, women or non-binary folks, everyone wants to be in the presence of a man who is awake, healthy, intuitive, sensual, emotionally grounded, passionate, embodied and alive!
Men, it’s time to focus on your body. All of us can do more of this. It’s your turn.
Stay tuned for the next installment on finding community.
If you have experienced a divorce, break up or lack of quality love relationships and you know you want help becoming a badass, apply to work with me.