Over the next several weeks I will be sharing my deepest insights on the practices that will literally change your life.
Most of these won’t be new. Many of them will almost be cliche. And the truth is that if you actually practice with the right mind set, they will change your life.
In my coaching work, I help clients custom create a system that works, influence them to maintain the right mindset, and most importantly apply just the right amount of pressure at the right times, to make sure they implement. This is how we attain lasting results.
Gratitude Practice
Besides exercise, my gratitude practice is the single most important daily activity for me. When I was going through my divorce, ending my first career, hardly making a living in the first year of my practice, dealing with terrible kidney stones or moving through my last significant break up, gratitude practice saved my mind, my heart and potentially my life. I do it every single day, whether I feel grateful or not.
How to start – I suggest one of three ways to start.
- Start a gratitude journal. Put a small journal next to your bed. Either first thing in the morning or right before bed, take 3 minutes and write down three things you are grateful for. They could be as simple as a tasty meal or as profound as the deep love you feel when you look into your son’s eyes. Nothing is too big or too small. Keep it simple.
- Share gratitude. Make a practice of sending 2 texts, emails or making 2 phone calls to simply express gratitude to someone in your life. It could be your best employee, your wife or a friend you haven’t talked to in a year. What matters is not who or what you say. What matters is that you are getting accustomed to appreciating the people in your life.
- Say it loud and proud. Speaking gratitude out loud with emotion and deep meaning has a powerful effect on your body and mind. You can wake up in the morning, stand up, stretch and yell your gratitude out the window. You can do a verbal gratitude practice with your wife or girlfriend. You could even integrate the gratitude into your fitness routine. When I was first getting into running, I would say gratitude out loud for as long as I could to make those first few minutes roll by with more ease and joy.
How it impacts your health
There is evidence that gratitude practice helps with lower stress levels, lower inflammation, better sleep, decreased headaches, lower symptoms of depression and lowering risk of heart disease. We know for a fact that when we practice gratitude it actually increases density in the parts of your brain that create joy. When we are more joyful, we make better decisions about food, substances, sleep, work, etc.
In my life, gratitude practice has literally helped me heal from injury or illness. When I was in the emergency room for kidney stones, and they were taking a few hours to get to me, I was pacing the floor in pain but practicing gratitude for being alive, able to get to a modern hospital, having health insurance and for the gift of pain reminding me how precious life is. This changed my physiology and I could literally feel the pain lessen. Although I was in a situation that they frequently give patients morphine for, I refused any pain killers because I knew I could handle it and grow from the pain. This kept me from a potential dependence on painkillers, poor digestion and poor mood that often comes with opiates. When I had a recent glute injury and couldn’t sit for about two weeks. I consistently embraced the pain and practiced gratitude that I could stand and do my work. This kept me from fixating on the disabling factor of the injury and focus on healing.
Mood affects almost all metabolic and biological functions. So when we practice a more positive mindset, it improves our health in immeasurable ways.
How it affects your love life
Many couples bicker and criticize each other. This erodes the fabric of the relationship. The Gottman research shows that for every experience that creates negative emotion for a couple, it takes 5 positive experiences to counter balance it. When we are focused on gratitude and appreciation for the life and love we have, we are less critical of our partner. When we focus on appreciation of them, we have more capacity to tell them how we feel and to shower them with that appreciation. This leads to less friction, less conflict, more joy, more romance and a lot more bedroom action.
If you are single or in a new relationship, I’ll remind you of a common phrase in Buddhism, neuroscience and modern psychology. “Where attention goes, energy flows”. If love, fun experiences on dates or sex are what you seek, then it’s time to put your attention, intentions and expectations on your positive, sexy and admirable attributes. Gratitude helps you focus on what you value in yourself and your life. It rewires your dialogue and world view. Do you really want to be the person who shows up to a date with consistent complaints about the atmosphere, food or service? Or do you want to be the person who is present, joyful, complementary and treating the people around them with respect and dignity? Which is more attractive to you?
In the bedroom, we all love an enthusiastic and appreciative lover. When we are grateful for the feel of our lovers skin, the noises they make, their subtle scents, the revealing nature of each deep breath, the subtle details for how they give and how they receive, we are more awake to the moment and that is fucking hot! To improve erotic intelligence, focus on gratitude for every sensual and sexual moment. Appreciation creates deeper connection. Deeper connection creates more sensation. More sensation creates more pleasure. Gratitude can be like rocket fuel for powerful physical intimacy.
Gratitude helps you to assume positive outcomes and feel less attached to the results. Which is a winning formula in all elements of life. Especially physical health and love life.
I’ll consistently remind you that information is not transformation. When it’s time to implement information, create practices and change your life…you know who to call.
It’s your turn.