Why do we eat?
Don’t tell me it’s because we need to eat to stay alive. Yes, that is biologically true. Yet I can’t imagine that if you are reading this, your choices of how, when and what to eat are actually based on your need to survive.
We eat for many reasons. We eat for pleasure, connection, identity, nutrition, optimization, training, for the brain, for the gut, for our waistline, for soothing, numbing, for
Yet many of us are eating rather mindlessly!
We don’t identify why we are eating and we don’t think about how we are eating.
I have to laugh a little when someone tells me that they love food but they don’t stop to look at, smell, savor or feel their food and or they eat very quickly. Or when they say they love food but they eat while reading, watching and social
That would be like telling me you love sex but then you rush through it while looking at Facebook. I’ll pass on a go in the bedroom with you, FYI.
Like sex, eating can be one of the most nourishing and pleasurable experiences we have. Fortunately, we get to do it multiple times a day, in public, around co-workers and in front of our kids.
So it’s time that we begin to eat mindfully. Not just to lose weight or to end dysfunctional or disordered eating but for so many emotional, physical and sensual reasons.
Mindful eating might be the ultimate practice for improving your health and love life. Allow me to break it DOWN!
How to Start
You must gain buy-in. Unless you truly understand the value of mindful eating, you won’t try it and you certainly won’t commit. This is one of THE HARDEST practices to start. For me, it was more challenging than starting to work out and quitting smoking.
Schedule it. If you don’t schedule it you actually won’t do it. Pick three meals in one week where you can be alone, have no distractions, do not have to work and can legitimately focus on eating for at least 20 minutes.
Go for quality. Mindful eating is best with
Eat. Sit down for the meal, put your phone across the room and if you
Breathe. Between bites, put down the fork, spoon or sandwich and take a breath. This will slow you down and bring more oxygen into your body. Which will help with digestion and catalyze
Pause. Don’t be afraid to pause after a few bites and take a break. You might notice that you are already satiated. You might notice that you really enjoy this mindful eating business. You might notice that it’s a really challenging practice and want to quit. Keep going.
Reflect. An hour or so after your meal, reflect on the experience. Notice your mood, mindset, energy, emotions, digestion and mental focus. How are they? What are you learning about food and your body? Just be with this noticing. No need to journal it or track it, unless that brings you joy. Then go for it.
Get an accountability partner or coach. Men do in fact hire me to help them improve their relationship to food and body. I highly recommend it. And there are plenty of ways to gain accountability and partnership in this evolution of your food and body game. Put in the effort and it will pay off.
How this Impacts Your Health
Mindful eating helps with metabolism, energy, nutrient absorption, psychological satiation and has been shown to lower or completely eliminate digestive issues such as heartburn and bloating. Most importantly it brings you more pleasure. When we experience more pleasure, we need less of the pleasurable thing to be satisfied. Which means you might eat less if that is your goal. I notice that when I really practice my mindful eating, my average meal is well more food than I need.
Another huge benefit of mindful eating is that you will be much more aware of how food feels in your body. I can reliably help people quit fast food, junk food and or “sugar addiction” when they actually follow through with my mindful eating advice. Try eating a crappy piece of candy, a fast-food burger or a bag of chips slowly, mindfully and paying close attention to how the food actually tastes and feels in your mouth. It’s really difficult to enjoy low-quality foods when you are paying attention. This practice can literally rewire your taste buds and desires for food.
I can remember a moment when I was sitting on the front porch of my old condo, eating raw broccoli as a snack. I was undistracted, feeling the breeze, smelling the grass and just chomping down on broccoli from a local farm. I grew up hating broccoli, then I learned to eat it because it was good for me and was a great alternative for when I had some version of a snack attack. At that moment, I fell in love with this odd, tree-like, mastication intensive vegetable. I could taste the earthiness and sweetness. I could feel and enjoy the changing textures from bumpy little tops to hearty and think stems. I noticed the feelings and flavors I never had before.
Because of my mindful eating practice, I can no longer enjoy low-quality foods. They just don’t feel or taste good. If something has too much sugar, it hurts my mouth. If something is too greasy, it just feels gross on my lips. If something doesn’t digest well, I now know what it was and can either avoid it or eat it in a different preparation that is easier to digest. I’m not the only one. My client Jim lost 30 lbs and transformed his palette simply by bringing more mindfulness into his diet. My client Chris ended a lifelong “sugar addiction” because I forced him to find the best dessert in the city and eat it mindfully. My client Dan never ate produce in the first 4 decades of his life, now he has to eat fruits and veggies or he doesn’t feel right. My client Josh ended 20 years of “yo-yo dieting” and lost weight in the process with these strategies.
How It Impacts Your Love Life
When I was first separated from my ex-wife, I was doing a group program with a dating coach and he told us “If you want to be an amazing lover, learn to eat a single strawberry and take five whole minutes to do it”. A man who knows how to slow down, feel his body, notice all sensations, savor the touch, feel, taste and essence of food, music, wine, nature is about 80% of the way to being an amazing lover. Being a great lover does not start in the bedroom. I subscribe to a philosophy of 24-hour eros. Meaning that we must be connected to sensation, emotion, passion, purpose, and meaning 24 hours a day. We are always creating foreplay with the world and our sexual partners.
Whether you engage you love life and sexuality with men or women or non-binary people, being in touch with pleasure, sensation, and emotion is pretty fucking sexy. When you can learn to be present with food and with your body, you can more easily be present with a partner. This translates amazingly to a first date or to a 20-year marriage. Presence is powerful.
When you train your attention, it can be directed at whatever or whoever needs and wants it. Your lover, date, spouse or fling desires your undivided attention. You will be appreciated, loved, valued and seduced for that attention, much more so than for anything you say. Guys are always looking for the right thing to say and do. When really all we need is to learn to be there, with a certain quality of attention, appreciation, and sensuality.
For me and my partner, some of the most connected, joyful, pleasurable and meaningful experiences happen over meals. The mutual sensuality, presence, mindfulness, pleasure, and gratitude bring about powerful moments and deeply embodied memories that we can cherish.
Finally, as you train your body to become more aware of sensation, pleasure, energy, mood, digestion, etc, you are becoming more embodied and attuned. This means more pleasure for you during one of those long walks on the beach, those gorgeous meals on vacation, those all-night lovemaking sessions with a new partner or when the kids are away, those picnics in the park, those evenings at the theater, those quickies while the kids are in the next room and even those moments of stillness that we are often so quick to fill with a cell phone or a snack. As you become more embodied and experience more pleasure, you become more attuned to your lover or partner as well. It’s not just about meals and sex. You will avoid and or navigate conflict more effectively because you can actually, finally feel your fucking emotions at the moment. This will help you feel what is real, get rid of the bullshit stories and communicate more effectively with your partner.
I could go on but I believe you get the point!
So now you’ve got some information. I’ll consistently remind you that information is not transformation. When it’s time to implement the information, create practices and change your life…you know who to call.
It’s your turn.