I’ve changed a lot in my life. Anyone that knows me or of me knows about the 150 lbs I lost after growing up obese. Some people know about how I recovered myself from chronic anxiety, negativity and fear based living. Others are aware that I transformed a lot in my social and romantic life. And still others are familiar with the fact that I up and quite a 14 year career without knowing what the hell I was going to do next and successfully started a coaching business.
With so much of my life being focused on how we change, I’ve become aware of the misconceptions, misunderstandings and outright lies that surround the concepts of change, transformation and creation.
In this series of blog posts, I will expose some of the more popular bull shit about change. Each post will have a concept to digest and/or an example from my own life or from a client’s work.
Today’s Topic…Motivation
I hear it all of the time, “Joe I want to change x, y or z, but I just can’t seem to find the motivation.”
I’m just going to call it like I see it. Motivation is the cocaine of change management. It doesn’t matter if we are talking about personal change, professional change, cultural change, family change, business team change.
When we rely on motivation to get us going and growing, it’s like neglecting your healthy, eating poorly, not sleeping well, never exercising, skipping your meditations and then using cocaine to focus and feel energetic. Motivation gives us temporary hits of energy at best and our tolerance to it’s effects keeps growing more and more out of control.
Trust me, a powerful story, amazing TED talk or inspirational quote do very little for me these days. They use to propel me for days or weeks.
Yes, I LOVE quotes and inspirational stories. They help us shift perspective and believe more is possible than we think. But thinking that motivation is the key component to making change happen is a complete lie.
So what does help us change?
That’s a really complex question and it’s different based on what we are working on and who we are and I’ll highlight a few key components that are always engaged in positive growth and real lasting change.
1. Emotional Competence — We must know why we feel what we feel, what feelings we want to experience when we reach our desired change state and what emotions or thoughts keep us from taking consistent action.
2. Community — Find a peer group that is focused on the change you want to make. Want to get healthier, surround yourself with healthy friends, join a gym and stop spending time with your friends that love ribs and beer more than feeling awesome. Want to stop being so fucking anxious, join a meditation community or group therapy. Want to grow your business, try co-working or a networking group. You must surround yourself with those who have similar desires and goals.
3. Commitment and Consistency — Most of us can accomplish any change, transformation or creation if we just stick with it. I lost 160 lbs with consistent lifestyle change over 7 years. 7 years! We must do the small tasks regularly to really change. It always takes longer than we think, more consistency than we think and a willingness to be uncomfortable for an extended period of time as we adapt to our new reality.
4. Mindfulness — We must become a student of our own behavior, attitudes, beliefs, emotions, patterns and values. If we are constantly in a flight or fight mode, ignoring the subtle differences in results or states, or reacting instead of responding to challenges or obstacles…we’re screwed.
5. A guide, coach, teacher or mentor who has done what you want to do or understands growth at a profound level. We can’t do it alone. The perspective, insight, wisdom and previous experience of those that can see your blind spots, call out your bull shit, advise you when you are off course and hold compassion for you when you are frustrated and derailing simply can not be replaced, overlooked or omitted. No one does it without support.
You’ve been filled with misconceptions about growth, creation and change. If you are serious about creating the life you want, reach out to work with me.