As confident as I am, I still don’t know the depth of my own worth and value. I’m not the only one.
I’m aware that 100% of my clients, even those that are highly accomplished, competent, loved, admired, and badass in all ways, have a less than clear view of themselves.
As my first coach told me many moons ago, “we all have blind spots for how great we are”.
We especially tend to be harder on ourselves than anyone around us. We don’t really understand why people value and love us and that lack of understanding leads to disconnection, frustration and low worthiness.
I’ve found that even people who have a great family and make a lot of money have this tendency to pay a price for the incongruent parts of themselves that have them questioning their true value.
For some of my clients, that means that they make a lot less money than they could. If they are freelancers or entrepreneurs, they are undercharging or not going after the kind of gigs they really want.
If they are employees, they have found reason after reason not to ask for a raise or actually leverage their value to obtain the big promotion. Or it keeps them stuck in a job that is no longer a fit but they are comfortable and think that they “better not test their luck” by going for a new job or by starting their own business.
But you know where it’s really scary and where it really hurts?
When they can’t see how valuable, lovable and desired they are by the people closest to them. When they don’t receive the love or go after the love they truly are worth. That’s what is painful and when my heart bleeds for them.
What this often looks like is a man who works harder at his job and works hard to keep learning because he wears the material mask or the know it all mask.
What this often looks like is a man who is aggressive in conflict with his partner, rather than calm and loving because unconsciously he still believes he has to dominate to “win a fight”. Because if he is “wrong” he’s not lovable.
What this looks like is a man who isolates inside his family, only spending time with his wife and kids but longs for male connection or time with community and friends. He does this because he doesn’t know how much people want him around.
Recently I joined a badass mastermind group and an exercise we did was to send an email with a few of questions about our “zone of genius”. Which is simply a fancy way of saying “how people see you, feel you and believe in you and your worth.”
It blew my mind. I knew that my clients, friends and community members value me but what they most value was a huge shocker. Part of me knew it but another part of me thought I had to do more or be more to earn their attention, love or money (in the case of clients).
So I want to give you a gift. Below are the questions that I recently sent out to about 2 dozen people in my life. I’ve altered them to be more personal and less business-focused.
If you are ready to learn how much people love and value you, I challenge you to send these questions to at least 3 people you know. I’ll even give you a template for the email message so you can make this easy on yourself.
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Hey __________,
I was sent an exercise, from a coach I know, that is all about me seeing how people experience me and value me as a person. This is based on the idea that everyone possesses a combination of traits and a way they make people feel that are unique to that individual. And that we often don’t see this in ourselves.
I know that your time is valuable and I’m asking you to take up to 10 minutes to deeply support me. Because I trust you and respect your opinion, I would really appreciate if you could consider the following questions and send me back your thoughts:
What can you always count on me for?
What do you really admire about me?
What do I do, seemingly effortlessly, that you find amazing or think is a ‘special talent’?
What do you think I am better at (doing, making people feel, etc.) than anybody else you know?
And the MOST important question that I would love your thoughts on is this one:
What do you feel after an interaction with me? – What’s it like to be around me; how do I make you feel; how is your mood, your energy, your outlook, your day, or even your life changed for the better from us being together.
You don’t have to answer all of them of course, but I would love to know anything that pops in your mind around any of those questions – especially that last one!
I’d very much appreciate your feedback and thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to share it. I look forward to hearing from you.
With Gratitude,
____________
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If you do this, email me so I can celebrate your bold, beautiful, amazing courage and badassery!